So here we are! The do we don’t we conundrum has been made for us and it’s a strange feeling. We had booked an appointment to go back and see our specialist miscarriage doctor who we had our darling daughter with to have the suite of tests run again and see where we stood. Our plan had been to have the tests, which would give us a 6 month window before we’d need them again and just before the end of the 6 months make a final decision about trying. We were leaning in favour of wanting to try again but my husband and I have just been filled with so much anxiety over going through the whole process – the drugs and associated illness (whilst now having a toddler!), the stress and worry, fear of having a miscarriage. The outcome is a no brainer – we’d love another baby and we’d love our daughter, Maddie, to have a sibling and everything that comes with that.
We probably went into the appointment a little blaise because all our hopes were not pinned on it like they had been the first time we were tested. When the Dr said “everything looks good” and he explained that my original issue of having high natural killer cells had reduced back into the normal range we were so relieved! But then the blow came as he continued to look through the results…my AMH (ovarian reserve) had not only “significantly declined” but was way below what it should be for my age and was also below what he likes it to be for conception. He went on to explain that it wasn’t disastrous as it currently stood but that his concern is the rate at which it has declined since I was last tested and therefore his worry over that continuing and then it being at the point of no help. His advice was we shouldn’t delay trying as even 3-6 months of waiting could have a negative impact and we need to get onto his super ovulation programme which boosts your egg production for an increased chance of conception.
We left the appointment with a lot to take in and a bag full of drugs! We had wanted to come to a decision in our own time but now we were under pressure by weeks not even months! Even more than ever now, we talked about still wanting this to be a decision we made and not get scooped up in the Doctor’s pressure and words and be back on the drugs, trying for another baby without almost realising it!!
So where are we left? A week after the appointment I’ve started on some of the drugs that need 4 weeks in my system before we can try which takes me right up to ovulation in the next cycle. After lots of talking (and the way we’re talking) it looks like we’re going to go for it! The bottom line is “Do we want another baby?” and the answer is yes. We’d love another baby and we’d love a sibling for Maddie.
So we have 4 weeks to get our head around it all happening quickly, 4 weeks to get physically and mentally prepared and 4 weeks to not talk ourselves out of it! The reality is, we’ll never feel 100% onboard, again not because of the potential final outcome, but because of everything that comes before that and our history. So we have to be good with not feeling 100%, and that’s what we need to get our heads around. Would we have felt higher up the % scale with the 6 months we’d planned? Probably not! So it’s onwards again and hopefully upwards! Wish us luck! xx
#tryingtoconceive #tryingagain #miscarriage #recurrentmiscarriage #immunology #newchancesnewhope #pregnancyafterloss